SVU
Because watching Tuesday nights Law & Order makes me think of home...
And I've made some changes to the comments, like the ability to actually make a comment. I expect that all the russian spam is going to commence again.
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January 29, 2008
January 27, 2008
Ambigious is my middle name
So, the Heath Ledger thing ... in case you didn't know, he crapped out last week. Tuesday to be exact, and all that day I was super busy at work and unable to even take a break and check out the news. I normally hit Yahoo at least once a day but with the stock market moving as it has and work being particularly busy this time of the month, I haven't really had any time to actually do anything...but well, work.
I digress, so Heath Ledger dies, and the thing that struck me initially was, "shit, he has a kid ... a small kid at that." The next thing, "shit, he's young and talented... what a waste." The third thing, "drugs are bad, drugs are really bad." Albeit, no one really knows what the dude died from yet and there's no question he was a bit tortured. The thing that affected me, and I understand people die every day, but it's different when it's someone that EVERYONE knows. But, the thing that I kept on thinking of, is "Thank God, Nick doesn't do drugs." I asked him if I could talk about this and he basically said no, so I won't go further, but sometimes it hits me how vulnerable we all are. A small move here and a small move there and the entire shit goes to hell.
Vague maybe, but I can't help but think how much I would miss him should anything happen; every year that 10 year age difference between us seems ... like a burden of sorts.
Anyway, the point is, that around this time of the year from Thanksgiving to maybe .. spring, I get into this MOOD. It's like everything disappears and what comes out is my frustrations, my anger, my general "Life sucks ass, life sucks big fat monkey balls." And, I can't shake it.
January 25, 2008
Hard
I sit and I want to say it, and I want to just say it, but I can't.
January 19, 2008
Rainy...
It's cold and I've managed to come down with a cold. Maybe running around yesterday without a jacket wasn't the wisest of ideas. So much cleaning up to do around the abode and only two days to do it.
Urgh.
January 15, 2008
Some Problems
My entire life I have had a trouble with fairness. I strongly believe in fair play and when someone isn't treated fairly or when I see that favouritism is being given undeserved you betcha I'll say or do something about it. Most recently, I just want to fucking shout at the top of my lungs ... "YOU'RE AN IDIOT!"
My other problem is that I work entirely too hard because that is how I was raised. And, when I see people loafing off and getting paid more and MORE on top of that I have a really hard time with it. My theory is that you get paid to do a job and by hell do your fucking job and stop making excuses.
These two "problems" of mine have gotten me into entirely too many ... well, problems over the years and I am afraid that it's happening again.
I would give my left lung to be out of WA state and away from all the passive aggressive, idiotic fucks living here.
January 09, 2008
Pancakes and Ice Tea
I made these ridiculously great awesome superfantastic pancakes this past weekend. They were small and fluffy and some had chocolate chips.
So awesome I took a picture.
The other is of something else that's ridiculous, went to lunch today and got an Arnold Palmer. It came in a GINORMOUS container. Sad to say I drank all bit 1/8 of it. And still peeing every half an hour.
A Memory
So Monday all day at work and all night I've had chest pains, not sure where it's coming from. Probably from being overweight and really really fucking stressed at all THE STUPID people at work. But, I digress.
I was driving home today and I had this weird memory of my first night in the states. I was nine and it was late when the plane arrived at JFK, my grandfather and all the relatives were at the airport waiting for us. He drove my sister and I while my dad went in another car (there were over 15 people at the airport) ... but he knew that we were hungry and took us to KFC. It was probably the only thing opened that late or it was probably his favourite restaurant or maybe he thought that we would get a kick of it. Who knows, I never bothered to ask him such things and now that he's gone..well I can't.
But I remember sitting in the front seat and absolutely floored at all the lights and all the traffic and just EVERYTHING. We didn't come over with my mom, so maybe that had something to do with the ... stupor. And he ordered and drove to the next window and all i remembered smelling was the corn. It was dripping in butter and hot as hell. I didn't eat it because it just looked weird.
It's odd that I would think of this while driving home but in the car tonight, I smelled that hot buttered corn again. Maybe I just miss him, maybe I just miss everyone, maybe I'm just wondering what the fuck it is that I'm doing with my life becoming stupider at a job that offers no mental ability and where I'm constantly being demeaned and disregarded ... and that memory of my grandfather and the stupid corn is my brain's way of reminding me that he was the only one that ever believed in me and wanted me to be the best that I could be. And ... I'm not doing that.