A Memory
So Monday all day at work and all night I've had chest pains, not sure where it's coming from. Probably from being overweight and really really fucking stressed at all THE STUPID people at work. But, I digress.
I was driving home today and I had this weird memory of my first night in the states. I was nine and it was late when the plane arrived at JFK, my grandfather and all the relatives were at the airport waiting for us. He drove my sister and I while my dad went in another car (there were over 15 people at the airport) ... but he knew that we were hungry and took us to KFC. It was probably the only thing opened that late or it was probably his favourite restaurant or maybe he thought that we would get a kick of it. Who knows, I never bothered to ask him such things and now that he's gone..well I can't.
But I remember sitting in the front seat and absolutely floored at all the lights and all the traffic and just EVERYTHING. We didn't come over with my mom, so maybe that had something to do with the ... stupor. And he ordered and drove to the next window and all i remembered smelling was the corn. It was dripping in butter and hot as hell. I didn't eat it because it just looked weird.
It's odd that I would think of this while driving home but in the car tonight, I smelled that hot buttered corn again. Maybe I just miss him, maybe I just miss everyone, maybe I'm just wondering what the fuck it is that I'm doing with my life becoming stupider at a job that offers no mental ability and where I'm constantly being demeaned and disregarded ... and that memory of my grandfather and the stupid corn is my brain's way of reminding me that he was the only one that ever believed in me and wanted me to be the best that I could be. And ... I'm not doing that.